Kahin door jab...

"kabhi to ye dil kahin mil nahi pate
kahin se nikal aaye janmo ke nate
ghani si ulzhan, bairi apna man
apna hi hoke sahe dard paraye"

.....few of the most beautiul lines that ring truer every time I hear them. I hear them now and I cry ceaselessly. I love my lonliness and smile effortlessly. I feel a heavniess encompassing me and yet it feels strangely calming. Maybe being aloof also means being free. Too many thoughts ruuning through my mind at the moment, I find it difficult to express anything. The moments melt away in the melody of the music. I dissolve into the space and I do not exist or maybe I do not want to exist. For some reason the last desire has died too. I gaze into the flickering flame of the candle and seek solace in its diminishing. I know that is what I want to be, I want to be a candle, to flicker and dwindle away, with memories of lighting up the darkness and yet leaving no trace in brightness. I hold my palm over the dying flame, the burn feels soothing. I enclose the warmth in my fist and feel the strength growing in me. I look into the mirror and smile feeling fulfilled and at peace with my numbness.

-Monica