Strange Realization

Whether it is someone I lose or someone I find...I remain bereft.

A litlle bit of it...

I want a simple day
Not one filled with sunshine
But neither one thats clad in grey...

I want a serene sun down
Not one with melting hues
But neither one that besets darkness...

I want a silent night
Not one burning with passion
But neither one thats bereft in pain...

I want a piece of the sky
Not one with starry silvers
But neither one thats dipped in darkness...

I want a handful of earth
Not one with blossoms of nature
But neither one thats arid dry...

I want a gulp of the seas
Not one with a pearly bosom
But neither one thats a wild uproar...

I want a slice of happiness
Not one that lasts forever
But neither one that defines impermanance...

I want a bit of myself
Not one that knows not me
But neither one that is not you...

I want my share of sanity
Not one thats know and be all
But neither one thats devoid of the echo of insanity...

-Mon

That Night

I feel the bitterness grow in me
And I almost taste the venom
The unsettling restlessness
The unending timelessness
The sheer nothingness
Of all that was ours together
I feel alone again
The presence a mere existence
I feel bereft again
Our togetherness a mere pretence
But mostly I feel incapable to be me
For long back on that silvery cloudy thunderous night
I gave away all to you
So now as we walk farther away each day
I find me trailing you
For my spirit is gone and I went too
On that beautiful silvery cloudy thunderous night with you
So now I look for the stars
The magical moon
The melting clouds
The wild winds
To question why they cheated me on that passionate beautiful silvery cloudy thunderous night
I want to know how it all happened
How I lost myself in you
How I stopped knowing myself
How I ended being me
On this long dark lonesome tumultuous night when the only thing I do...
is still secretly wish for you

-Monica

For my 5 minute nomad

He is a nomad. He promises you 5 minutes of his life, or more correctly 5 minutes of life and then moves on.

In these five minutes you must decide whether you want to:
Listen to his never ending stories and be lost in the world of magic
Beguile into the world of chaotic temptations through his writings
Dream of the neverlands in his warm embrace
Be banged back into reality with his ‘hit the nail’ advice
Cry out in his lap till you find yourself
Rest your head on his shoulders and experience peace
Be lost in his lyin’ eyes to never find yourself again

Hold on to him and let him go until what is left for you is:
Writhe in unknowing uncertainties for ever after
Pine for the passion of impermanence
Wish for the beauty to re-create itself
Breathe his memories and await his return

Until……
You live only to love him
Hope only to be his own
Desire to melt in his arms just one last time
Lose all of you and become him

-Monica

Open-Close-Harmony

I close my eyes
And the silvers shimmer
I open them
And the magic breaks

I close my eyes
And the stars sing out
I open them
To find deadness prevails

I close my eyes
And glow in love
I open them
To freeze in pain

I spend a day
I spend a night
And then I open and close again

I close my eyes
And chaos chimes
I open them
To a hollow voice

I close my eyes
With pounding thunders
I open them
To bleeding thoughts

I close my eyes
In ruthless turmoil
I open them
In frigid rigidity

…And then on some empty, vacant, bare day,
I close my eyes
And darkness engulfs
I open them
To be soothed by dark
….My Harmony

-Monica

Restless yet Relentless

I am a wild wanderer
In tryst with stability
My world whirls around me
And alien emotions choke me
I want to express so much, yet stifled is all I feel
I want to cry and break through yet frozen is how I feel
I yearn for you through the icy glass of uncertainty
And shiver with trepidation of evading thoughts
I want to hold you tight and never let you go
And I want to leave you free and long for you to return
Tell me what do I do?
Where do I take this wandering spirit, these mindless thoughts, this broken soul?
Will you heal it with your love?
Or will you sail away with the tide, leaving me a wanderer in wilderness?

All I wish is this magic to never die
Or if it has to then may it end with me in your embrace

-Monica

Purple, Purple, Purple...

Purple purple purple
It is purple thorns everywhere
A thorn called guilt
A thorn called shame
A thorn called pain
They prick and make me bleed a dark blood
I pull them out one by one
They leave deep gashes all over me
The bleeding gashes sooth me now
And cast their dark shadows
I hide in the purple darkness
Afraid of sun and light
I shield in the pain of isolation
Scarred but scared of your healing love
I close I shut I stop
No more No more No more
I stop trying to make you mine
I stop hoping for togetherness
I stop breathing your fragrance
I stop craving your warmth
I know my place and that of all
I know I will never belong
Purple thorns, purple gashes, purple shadows are all mine
The thorns don’t prick and the blood has stopped
But the throbbing remains and ever will
I scratch the wounds where they hurt most
But the blood has gone dead cold
They find expression in my tears
The salty tears I drink
I take a piece of ice and rub the purple anew
Purple purple purple
The marks are all that’s left

-Monica